Everytime i'm about to give up, there is something that gives me a push and helps me move on.....I wish that something would stop and let me go

I want to fade into the backround so no one will notice me
I want my emotions to fade away so I cant feel anymore
I want to fade into a new person so I wont be me
I want my heart to fade away so a new whole one will replace it
I want to fade away because no one cares for me